Recently I have been thinking a lot about the specific steps we can take to navigate the thorns of difficult conversations. Whether we are talking to a friend, a spouse, a business partner, client or adversary, the rules remain the same. Getting what you need from a difficult conversation requires the following:
1. Know Your Objective: What are you trying to achieve in the conversation? What is your goal? What is your desired outcome? If you don’t know the answer to these questions, you will be lost in the conversation. Always know what you need from a difficult conversation. Your needs may change, but if you don’t have a goal going in, you’re in trouble.
2. Listen: You can learn so much about where another person is coming from and what they are hoping to achieve in the conversation if you listen to them. Listening skills can be your greatest tool in a difficult conversation.
3. Acknowledge the Feelings and Needs of the Other Person: If you make sure the other person feels heard and respected, you have a much greater likelihood of reaching your desired outcome. Take the time to assess the other person’s needs and articulate that you understand them, even if you do not agree.
4. Think Before You Speak: Think, breathe and take your time. This can be especially challenging if you are emotionally invested in your objective, but trust me, it will be a life-saver. Think before you speak. Contemplate what you are going to say, how it will sound, and then say it.
5. Know When to End the Conversation: Knowing when a difficult conversation is over is key. Perhaps you have achieved your goal, or have realized that the tension is too high and you won’t reach your objective in this particular conversation. Whatever the case may be, avoid talking in circles. Know when the conversation has reached its logical end and gracefully make your exit.
-Emily Wolper
E. Wolper Inc. Admissions Consulting , established in 1999, is an independent college and graduate school admissions consulting firm, offering highly personalized, one-on-one assistance for applicants, both domestic and international.
