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Another thing that I have been fretting about is all the things that I will have to say no to.

Saying no is not a completely new concept for me. I understand its importance in terms of business and I’ve long freed myself of guilt-yeses in my personal life. I’m quite comfortable being vigilant about boundaries and policies. And, I’m very comfortable saying no to things that I don’t want to do. And, as I discussed last time , I’m used to having to say no to various early and late events due to my long commute.

But so far I’ve felt like a free agent and I’m not quite as experienced saying no to things that I would really, really like to do and participate in. I’m becoming keenly aware of how much I’m going to need to strengthen that muscle.

Already I know that I am missing a dear friend’s wedding…a plight I’ve so far managed to escape in life… I’m devastated that I won’t be there. I was also particularly sad after we put together an awesome and interesting fall event calendar and I was left to wonder about how many of these events I’d actually be able to attend.

While pondering this new reality (the list of them keeps getting longer), I was reminded of a conversation at IGC Book Club about William Ury’s The Power of a Positive No. It wasn’t actually the book we were discussing but someone brought up their own difficult “saying no” conversation and others chipped in some of Ury’s advice.

Ury encourages us to reframe our decisions and instead of thinking about what we are saying NO to, consider what we are actually saying YES to. Which makes sense. Most simply it is like having two invitations on the same night…you have to say NO to one in order to say YES to the other. Previously, in my case, I’ve said NO to events in order to say YES to getting a good night’s sleep.

So, going forward, I’ll need to remind myself not  to focus on what I’m missing or what I used to be able to do and instead on what I am choosing – to have lots of components to my life, to having a family, and to making room for what is important to me.

Perhaps it will feel easier when I’m say YES to an actual child rather than being 40 weeks pregnant…there is not much about my current state that I’d like to say YES to!

Image courtesy of jkldesign I just love her prints!

Posted by Adelaide Lancaster.